Wednesday, August 31, 2011

You've Got To Get Yourself Together

I've been at my current job for almost a year now. Funny, but many times you think to yourself, oh the next job will be better but then it isn't always so. Sometimes you have to suck it up, sometimes you have to take a look at yourself and see whether or not you are the one with the issue and not the job, and then sometimes you  just need to realize that maybe it's stressful because deep down this isn't really what you want to be doing and continually denying what it is that you actually want to do because of parents, society, and what you believe you "ought" to be doing.

My day job is stressful. I often end up working 60+ hours a week and I am definitely not earning the salary of an investment banker, even in this economy. I've gone through so many ups and down in my personal life since last year and in a way having the extremely busy schedule has helped me cope better with the difficult circumstances. But I'm reaching a point where the work is not worth the stress because deep down I know this isn't what I really want to do with my life. If it were up to me and I didn't have to worry about money, I would spend it just writing and traveling.

Right now I am also doing grad school part time and I am nearly done with classes, which means I will have to tackle the monster which is my thesis paper.

And then I have the fun volunteer job where I write about movies and tv and get to talk to interesting people and attend (when there is time) interesting events. Yeah if I'm going to be honest, the last event I attended I was in utter bliss. It was hard work, but I had never had so much fun before.

So here I am. Figuring out, can I do this? Can I take a risk with no real back up plan?

A particularly momentous birthday milestone is coming up in a few months and the closer it gets, the more I feel the urge for change. For a person whose been acting responsible their whole life, I really really want to make the irresponsible choice.


Emme said...

Thank you for your blog post. I'm also in a similar situation as you. Sometimes I wish there was some magic formula that will solve everything but that would take out the surprise element in our lives. This will sound so cliche but I guess in the end it will all have to depend on what your heart really wants. In the end, it is ourselves that we have to live with and no one else.

K said...

Thank you for reading!! :) I love your point. It is us who has to live with ourselves in the end. A good friend told me the same thing, that what really matters is what you want deep down.